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Meet the folks who helped Gabe turn “confused ambition” into a full-blown party.

  • Cheryl Jenkins – Campaign Manager / Binder Collector
  • Uncle Randy – Ethics Chair / Smoker of Meats
  • Rhonda “No Filter” Bishop – Press Relations & Neighborhood Watch Gossip Coordinator
  • Gary from the Bait Shop – Treasurer (unofficial) / Guy with the van
  • Waffles the Dog – Official Party Mascot & Emotional Support Intern

Each one brings something valuable to the table. Except Gary. Gary keeps losing receipts.

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Gabe Owners for Tightsqueeze

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© 2025. All rights reserved. Gabe Owners—Owning it, awkwardly. 

DISCLAIMER: This website is 100% fictional and satirical. Gabe Owners is not a real politician (thank goodness). Any resemblance to actual persons, living or confused, is purely coincidental. Tightsqueeze, VA is a real place, but they had nothing to do with this. Please don’t try to vote for Gabe—he’s likely to accidentally declare war on Canada.