Making Moves (Sometimes in the Wrong Direction)
Being a man of the people means showing up.
And Gabe Owners does show up. Sometimes even on time.
From pancake breakfasts to surprise ribbon cuttings (that weren’t his), Gabe is out there—mixing with the public, waving at pets, and delivering passionate speeches with a mic that may or may not be turned on.
Recent Events
🎤 Town Hall-ish – Gabe answered real community questions, including “Why are you yelling?” and “What exactly is your job again?” The meeting concluded with a group hug and mild confusion.
🥞 Pancakes & Policy – Gabe hosted a breakfast to discuss local economic growth and syrup options. He mixed up “infrastructure” with “waffle structure,” but spirits were high and carbs were plentiful.
✂️ Ribbon Cutting (for a Store He Thought Was a Library) – Gabe cut the ribbon with flair, made a speech about reading, and then realized the grand opening was for “Tony’s Tires & Vape.” He bought windshield wiper fluid anyway.
🐶 Kissing Puppies, Not Just Babies – Gabe shook hands with voters and kissed a total of four puppies and one man named Carl. We’re still investigating Carl.
🪧 Lawn Sign Relay – Gabe led a high-stakes team activity involving placing campaign signs around Tightsqueeze. His team lost when he got distracted by a lemonade stand.
🎆 4th of July Parade Walk-Off – Gabe entered the parade from the wrong end, walked the route backwards, and saluted a squirrel. A true patriot.
Upcoming Activities
🧁 Cupcakes & Concerns
Share your thoughts over frosting! Gabe listens best when sugar is involved.
🪓 Axe-Throwing for Accountability
A trust-building exercise Gabe definitely didn’t think through. (Waiver required.)
📸 Photo Op at the Tightsqueeze Courthouse
Join Gabe for official campaign pics and unofficial finger guns.
💃 Line Dancing for Legislative Reform
Learn the two-step and why local taxes are weird.
🎲 Policy & Poker Night
A casual night of community bonding, questionable bets, and Gabe saying “full house” every time someone mentions zoning laws.
Have an Event Idea?
Gabe’s schedule is flexible. Mostly because he keeps forgetting to fill it out. Suggest an event—he’ll probably show up, possibly with snacks.
“People say I’m always doing something. I say, ‘Correct—but what was it again?’”
— Gabe Owners