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A Timeline of Historic Missteps and Accidental Success.

  • 2019 – Gabe accidentally speaks at a city zoning meeting. People cheer. He assumes they liked it.
  • 2020 – First campaign yard sign goes up (in the wrong yard, but the homeowner liked it).
  • 2021 – Gabe declares “Fiscal Responsibility Month,” then loses the budget binder.
  • 2022 – Hosts his first “Unity BBQ”—burns the hot dogs, unites the town in sympathy.
  • 2023 – Launches official party website. Misspells his own name. Fixes it (eventually).
  • 2025 – Surging in the polls. Or maybe it was gas prices. Either way—he’s trending!

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Gabe Owners for Tightsqueeze

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© 2025. All rights reserved. Gabe Owners—Owning it, awkwardly. 

DISCLAIMER: This website is 100% fictional and satirical. Gabe Owners is not a real politician (thank goodness). Any resemblance to actual persons, living or confused, is purely coincidental. Tightsqueeze, VA is a real place, but they had nothing to do with this. Please don’t try to vote for Gabe—he’s likely to accidentally declare war on Canada.