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It Was Supposed to Be a Book Club, But Now It’s a Movement.

The Gabe Owners Political Party began humbly—in the back room of a bait shop during what was supposed to be Euchre night. A few misprinted flyers and one aggressively motivational speech later, a full-blown movement was born.

We didn’t set out to start a political revolution. We just wanted free snacks and to fix the pothole outside Darlene’s place. But now? We’re rising faster than a biscuit in July.

Fun Fact: Our original party slogan was “We Think Things Should Be Better?”—we’ve since improved both our branding and spelling.

Gabe Owners for Tightsqueeze

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© 2025. All rights reserved. Gabe Owners—Owning it, awkwardly. 

DISCLAIMER: This website is 100% fictional and satirical. Gabe Owners is not a real politician (thank goodness). Any resemblance to actual persons, living or confused, is purely coincidental. Tightsqueeze, VA is a real place, but they had nothing to do with this. Please don’t try to vote for Gabe—he’s likely to accidentally declare war on Canada.