Building a Stronger Future, One Erection at a Time
Hi, I’m Gabe Owners. I may be confused about a lot of things—but when it comes to standing tall for the people of Tightsqueeze, I never fold under pressure (unless it’s humid).
Our Mission: To Rise to the Occasion
From the heart of Tightsqueeze, VA, Gabe Owners is firmly committed to representing you. He’s not afraid to take a stand—even if he’s not entirely sure what for. Gabe believes every small town deserves big ideas, stiff resolve, and the occasional awkward metaphor.
More about our party
Gabe Owners: Proudly Rising to the Occasion—Even When He’s Not Sure Why
Our main focus is on the biggest issues facing Tightsqueeze today: safety, equality, prosperity, and keeping things standing tall in uncertain times. Gabe may not always remember the plan, but he’s definitely committed to one.
Nation’s Safety
Climate policies
Minority rights
Wealth boost
Some issues are hard. But Gabe Owners is harder… working on solutions.
Key Focus Areas for Political Growth (and Occasional Swelling)
Gabe Owners is laser-focused on the areas that need the most attention—especially the ones that have been feeling a little neglected. His goal? To stimulate lasting political growth, even if it gets a little awkward along the way.
Gabe’s been working hard to improve foreign affairs—even if he sometimes forgets which country he’s in. Whether it’s a handshake, backrub, or unintentionally flirty wink, Gabe is here to smooth international tensions one confusing conversation at a time.
“I once thought I was in Canada for three days. Turns out, it was Cleveland.” —Gabe Owners
Gabe believes everyone deserves affordable, firm, and lasting care. From sniffles to stiff backs, no one should have to wait for treatment—especially when things get sensitive. Gabe’s plan? A full-body checkup for America.
“I support universal healthcare. Also universal remote controls—very convenient.” —Gabe Owners
Contribute to Gabe Owners's... Campaign
Each day, Americans face hardship, injustice, and the tragic reality of sagging hope. But with your help (and a few generous strokes of the credit card), we can lift this nation higher.
All our members—and yes, we said members—are helping to stand up for what’s right, firm, and ever-uplifting. Be part of the rising momentum.
